btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
