This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
