She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
