Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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