the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
