also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
