Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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