headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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