The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
