If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
