You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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