tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
