"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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