The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
