I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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