So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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