we're chasing vodka with high fives
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize