Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize