i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize