I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
