i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
