He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
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I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
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You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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