And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The Olympian is in my bed
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
