shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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