just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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