I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
