mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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