at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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