Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize