4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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