i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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