Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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