I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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