did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
