so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
