How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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