Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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