one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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