I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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