I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
