everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
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I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
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You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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