capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
