Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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