I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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