Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
