The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just took my morning after pill in the library
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
