Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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