Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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