just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
