Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
