MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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