Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He felt like a one man threesome
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
