Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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