we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
