dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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