I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
