Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
