Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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