and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
