You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I puked a lego.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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