i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
