Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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