White coat. Heels.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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