I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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