Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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