I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize