Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
