i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
