Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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