My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
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her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
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I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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