So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
