Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Acid is not a monday night drug
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So vagazzling was a success
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
