who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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