Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
