Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
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This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
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If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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