dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
