I don't usually arrange sex via text message
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
