Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
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How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
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Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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