so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
