the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
