i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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