If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize
