Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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